Broad Stroke News

By Kelly Robbins, Cultural Correspondent February 15, 2025 Once a vibrant Southern city, Jackson, Mississippi—now renamed Oprahville by its self-declared dictator Oprah Winfrey—has become a shadow of its former self. In the weeks since Oprah’s hostile takeover of her home state, the city has deteriorated into a nightmarish dystopia marked by fear, decay, and relentless propaganda. Residents now live under the oppressive gaze of Oprah, whose face is plastered on every available surface. From billboards to government buildings, even stop signs bear her iconic smile, reminding citizens that she is always watching. A City Covered in Oprah’s Image Driving through Oprahville feels like entering a surreal alternate reality. Her face looms from every corner, her eyes seemingly following you wherever you go. Entire city blocks are lined with murals depicting Oprah in various poses: Oprah holding a book, Oprah giving away a car, Oprah pointing sternly as if to say, “Don’t even think about rebell...

By Kent Williams, Political Correspondent February 11, 2025 In a sweeping executive order signed late last night, President Donald J. Trump has mandated the forced internment of all adult male fans of  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic —commonly known as “bronies”—in what the administration is calling “Brony Re-Education Camps.” The move, unprecedented in modern American history, has sparked fierce debate but has also received surprising bipartisan support. The executive order, titled the  National Masculinity Restoration Act , directs federal agencies to identify and detain self-identified bronies, whom the White House has labeled as “a subversive and degenerate threat to American values.” The Department of Homeland Security has already begun operations to round up individuals fitting the criteria, with reports of large-scale raids in urban centers such as Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco. Praise from Across the Aisle Despite initial concerns that the move would be met ...

By Kent Williams February 6, 2025 In a twist that seems ripped from the pages of a political satire, the nation faces an unprecedented dilemma: the emergence of not one, but two Mitch McConnells. While the exact circumstances remain shrouded in mystery—be it a cloning experiment gone awry or a bizarre act of nature—the implications are as clear as they are unsettling. DOUBLE THE TURTLE, DOUBLE THE TROUBLE For decades, Americans have watched as Senator Mitch McConnell mastered the art of political obstructionism, turning legislative gridlock into a high form of performance art. His tenure has been marked by a steadfast commitment to ensuring that progress moves at a pace that makes a snail look like a sprinter. Now, with a second McConnell in the mix, the prospect of governmental inertia has reached new, terrifying heights. Reports from Capitol Hill indicate that the original McConnell and his doppelgänger have already begun a filibuster against each other, creating an endless loop of p...

By Frederick Prentiss | Entertainment Writer | February 1, 2025 The maternity mystery that captivated the globe has finally been resolved. Lois Griffin, the animated matriarch of  Family Guy , gave birth to a healthy baby boy on January 21, 2025. After weeks of speculation and headlines, a DNA test has confirmed that King Charles III is the father of Lois’s child. The Royal Reveal The announcement came via a joint statement issued by Buckingham Palace and Lois Griffin’s publicist. “His Majesty King Charles III is delighted to confirm the paternity of Lois Griffin’s newborn son,” the statement read. “Both mother and child are in good health, and His Majesty is committed to supporting the child’s future with all the dignity and care befitting such a unique circumstance.” Lois, speaking to  Celebrity Insights Weekly  shortly after the birth, described her son as “a little bundle of royal mischief” and revealed his name: Charles Peter Griffin. The name, she explained, honors ...

By Kent Williams, Political Correspondent January 30, 2025 WASHINGTON, D.C. — A shocking aviation disaster struck the nation’s capital last night when a small toy helicopter, reportedly gifted to Vice President J.D. Vance by President Donald Trump, veered off course and collided with a passenger jet, causing it to crash into the Potomac River. Sources close to the vice president say Vance was “horrified” as the remote-controlled aircraft, which he had been demonstrating as a “humorous gift” from Trump, unexpectedly flew into the path of a departing commercial flight. The impact with the jet’s engine sent it plummeting into the icy waters below. Emergency responders rushed to the scene late into the night, with initial reports indicating multiple casualties. Eyewitnesses described a surreal sequence of events as Vance, surrounded by White House aides, attempted to navigate the toy moments before the catastrophe. Officials have not yet confirmed how the toy’s presence near active flight ...

By Kelly Robbins, Cultural Correspondent January 29, 2025 A controversial new  Garfield  comic strip published this week has ignited a firestorm of backlash, with critics calling it “disturbing,” “irresponsible,” and “a national disgrace.” The four-panel strip, which ran in newspapers across the country, depicts the lasagna-loving feline performing an impromptu lobotomy on beloved animated character Shrek. The scene, played for dark comedy, has provoked outrage from mental health professionals, politicians, and the general public. Trump: ‘This Is a New Low’ President Donald Trump weighed in on the controversy, denouncing the strip in a lengthy post on Truth Social. “This is what happens when you let the radical left destroy culture—total disrespect for our beloved characters! First, they went after Dr. Seuss, and now they’re mutilating Shrek. Very sad! Jim Davis should be ashamed, and the FAKE NEWS is treating this like it’s okay! DISGRACEFUL!!!” Trump’s reaction has been echo...

By Frederick Prentiss, Entertainment Correspondent January 28, 2025      Martha Stewart, the undisputed queen of domestic arts, took her culinary creativity to an entirely new dimension yesterday—quite literally—by collaborating with none other than the spectral presence of former President Ronald Reagan. The unlikely duo teamed up for a YouTube video where they whipped up patriotic parfaits in Martha’s idyllic country kitchen. However, what began as a quirky exploration of desserts and diplomacy quickly turned into a scene straight out of a disaster movie when a nearby volcano erupted mid-filming.      The video, titled  “Presidential Parfaits with Martha & Ronnie” , was intended to showcase a simple recipe for red, white, and blue parfaits layered with strawberries, whipped cream, and blueberries. Reagan’s ghost—manifested as a semi-transparent, slightly glowing figure wearing his iconic navy suit—seemed to embrace the challenge with the same cha...