President Trump Pardons Pikmin, Sparks Global Outcry

By Kent Williams, Political Correspondent -  January 21, 2025

    On his first full day in office, President Donald Trump issued a controversial executive pardon to the group of Pikmin recently accused of crimes against humanity. The move, which Trump had promised during his campaign and transition, has polarized both national and global opinion, drawing sharp criticism from political leaders and human rights advocates, while earning praise from his loyal base and members of his administration.

A Presidential First

    The Pikmin, the first non-human entities to be indicted by the International Criminal Court (ICC), were accused of mass abductions, ecological destruction, and forced conscription. Trump’s pardon effectively nullifies any possibility of prosecution or punishment, as the ICC had been in talks with the U.S. to coordinate extradition.

    In a press conference at the White House, newly appointed White House Press Secretary Carrie Lake defended the decision. “The Pikmin were wrongfully accused, plain and simple. This pardon restores justice and sends a message that America will not bow to globalist pressure to condemn innocent beings.”

Criticism from Across the Aisle

    The pardon has ignited a firestorm of criticism from Democrats and some Republicans, who view it as a dangerous undermining of international justice. Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) was particularly vocal. “This decision is outrageous. These creatures destroyed ecosystems, abducted living beings, and caused untold harm. Pardoning them isn’t just irresponsible—it’s immoral. It sends a message that there’s no accountability for those who commit heinous acts.”

    Former Vice President Kamala Harris also weighed in, condemning the pardon as a “blatant abuse of power” and adding "this is yet another example of Donald Trump putting his political interests above justice, humanity, and the rule of law. The global community is watching, and this will have consequences.”

    Former President Joe Biden, when approached for a comment outside his Delaware home, simply replied "microwave.”

Support from the Trump Administration

Despite the backlash, Trump’s pardon earned praise from Attorney General-designate Pam Bondi, who has long been a staunch ally of the president.

“This was the right thing to do. The Pikmin are victims of a witch hunt by the global elites and the media. President Trump’s pardon shows strength, compassion, and a commitment to fairness. This is what leadership looks like.”

International Reactions

    World leaders have expressed dismay at the pardon, with many fearing it could embolden other non-state actors or undermine the ICC’s authority. Environmental and human rights groups have organized protests in major cities, calling the pardon a betrayal of justice and an affront to the victims of the Pikmin’s actions.

    The United Nations has scheduled an emergency meeting to address the implications of the pardon, while the ICC has yet to release an official statement.

What’s Next?

    The Pikmin, now free from legal jeopardy, remain under the custody of an unnamed American facility, where they are reportedly being studied for “diplomatic purposes.” Sources close to the administration hint that Trump views the Pikmin as potential allies in advancing his agenda on space exploration and resource acquisition.

    As the controversy continues to unfold, one thing is certain: this unprecedented act has set a new tone for Trump’s second presidency, one that promises to be as unpredictable and divisive as his first.