Meat Loves Barbecue Sauce—And It Might Be Getting Steamy in Your Smoker

By Gregory Shoemaker, Fun News Correspondent | January 10, 2025

In what might be the sauciest food discovery of the decade, researchers at the National Culinary Research Institute (NCRI) have revealed a tantalizing truth: meat absolutely loves being slathered in barbecue sauce. Yes, you heard that right—your ribs and brisket aren’t just sitting there passively absorbing flavors. They’re having an experience.

“We’ve long known that barbecue sauce enhances flavor, but this takes it to a whole new level,” said Dr. Paula Drizzle, head of the NCRI’s Taste Emotion Lab. “Through advanced flavor spectroscopy and, frankly, a little intuition, we’ve discovered that meat responds positively to barbecue sauce, almost as if it’s enjoying the process. We’re talking a full-on sensual sizzle.”

The revelation came about when researchers noticed subtle chemical reactions in proteins during the marination process. When slathered with barbecue sauce, the meat fibers seemed to relax in a way Dr. Drizzle described as “deeply satisfying.” But the real surprise? The reactions were strongest with bold, smoky sauces—suggesting the meat might have its own preferences.

Barbecue: A Love Language?

Some pitmasters have suspected this all along. “Oh yeah, I’ve always felt a special connection when I’m working the grill,” said Big Don Carter, a barbecue champion from Austin, Texas. “When I spread that sauce on my brisket, it’s like the meat is saying, ‘Yes, Daddy.’”

But just how deep does this connection go? According to Dr. Drizzle, meat doesn’t merely “enjoy” barbecue sauce—it might find the whole process…well, let’s just say “intense.”

“Based on our findings, we believe there’s something almost erotic about the interaction between proteins and a good hickory glaze,” she explained. “The way the sugars caramelize? It’s pure chemistry. Literally.”

Cultural Implications

This discovery has sparked debate in culinary circles. Some argue that this new knowledge should encourage grillers to be more mindful of how they treat their cuts of meat. “It’s not just food—it’s a partner in flavor,” said vegan chef Sasha Green, who praised the study for encouraging empathy, even in carnivorous cuisine.

Others, however, are taking the news as an invitation to crank up the heat—literally and figuratively. “If my ribs love it, I’m going all out next time,” said barbecue enthusiast Tom “Smokey” Reynolds. “Maybe a little Marvin Gaye on the grill playlist, too.”

What’s Next for Meat Lovers?

The NCRI plans to expand their research into other condiments to see if this phenomenon is unique to barbecue sauce. Early experiments with mustard and chimichurri have shown “promising but less steamy” results.

As for the home cook, Dr. Drizzle recommends keeping it consensual (figuratively, of course) by using high-quality ingredients and applying sauce with care. “Your meat deserves to feel appreciated,” she said with a wink.

So next time you’re firing up the grill, remember: it’s not just dinner. It’s an experience—for both you and the meat. And who knows? You might just be creating the most satisfying barbecue of your life.

Stay saucy, my friends.