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Dove’s Bold Move: “Shampee” Shines While New Shampoo Line Draws Mixed Reactions

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By Cheryl Montego January 15, 2025 Dove, a staple in the personal care industry, has unveiled a new hair care product line that has stirred up a mix of admiration and revulsion. Leading the charge is “Shampee,” a golden yellow shampoo formulated to give hair a vibrant sheen, but the company’s decision to recolor its entire traditional shampoo line to brown with a slightly rancid smell has sparked an entirely different conversation. The Golden Glow of Shampee Shampee, with its golden yellow hue and promise of a healthy shine, is marketed as a revolutionary product. Enriched with minerals, the shampoo aims to nourish hair while providing a radiant, glossy finish. However, the product’s slight ammonia scent has raised a few eyebrows. “Shampee represents vitality and boldness,” said Amanda Harper, Dove’s spokesperson. “Its golden color is intentional, symbolizing confidence and brightness. The unique scent? That’s part of the experience — a sensory marker of something extraordinary.” Despi...
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Robertsdale Residents Outraged Over Controversial Buc-ee’s Billboard

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By Marlena Begley | January 15, 2025 Robertsdale, Alabama — A new billboard along Interstate 10 has sparked controversy among local residents, with many decrying it as obscene and inappropriate. The billboard, advertising the popular Texas-based convenience store chain Buc-ee’s, features the phrase: “Buc-ee’s has that good bussy.” The ad, which was installed earlier this month, quickly drew backlash from residents who feel the language used is offensive and unsuitable for public display. “I was driving my kids to school, and I couldn’t believe what I saw,” said Sandra Clifton, a Robertsdale resident and mother of three. “I had to explain to my kids why that word isn’t appropriate, and I shouldn’t have to do that because of a billboard!” For those unfamiliar, the term “bussy” is a slang word that originated in LGBTQ+ communities. It combines “boy” or “butt” with a vulgar term for a woman’s anatomy, referring to a gay man’s butthole. While the word has gained some mainstream recognition,...
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House Speaker Mike Johnson Breaks into Home, Cooks Excessive Amounts of Spaghetti

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By Kent Williams, Political Correspondent January 15, 2025 In a puzzling and oddly domestic incident, House Speaker Mike Johnson shocked a suburban Arlington, Virginia neighborhood early this morning by breaking into a family’s home and cooking an excessive amount of plain spaghetti noodles—all while dressed in a casual gray polo shirt. The Patterson family awoke to the sound of pots clanging in their kitchen. Upon investigation, they found Johnson at their stove, boiling box after box of spaghetti. His attire—a modest gray polo shirt and khaki pants—only added to the confusion. “At first, I thought he was some maintenance guy who got lost,” said Helen Patterson, the homeowner. “But then I realized it was  the  Mike Johnson. And he wasn’t fixing anything. He was just cooking… endless spaghetti. Plain, unseasoned spaghetti.” For hours, Johnson silently and methodically prepared plain noodles, ignoring the family’s pleas for an explanation or even a pause. The kitchen soon overf...
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Giant Egg Crowned “Eggiest Egg” at Annual Festival

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By Marlena Begley January 14, 2025 In a stunning turn of events, a giant egg has claimed the title of “Eggiest Egg” at this year’s Annual Eggiest Egg Festival, leaving spectators in awe and setting a new standard for the competition. Held yesterday in the town square, the festival drew a record crowd, all eager to witness the crowning of the largest and most extraordinary egg the town has ever seen. “The Eggiest Egg Festival has always been a celebration of local farming and the art of egg production, but this year’s winner is truly something out of the ordinary,” said Rita Galloway, the event organizer. “We’ve never seen an egg like this. It’s massive, perfectly formed, and the judges couldn’t stop talking about its incredible texture and flavor.” The champion egg, dubbed “Big Eggy,” was presented by local farmer Glen Harrison, who raised the colossal egg on his family farm just outside of town. At nearly twice the size of a standard egg, Big Eggy’s sheer size alone made it a showstop...
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OPINION: Portuguese? More Like Porch of Geese

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By Charles Edison | January 14, 2025 Once, a goose looked at a chair and realized that the chair was made of forgotten teacups. This is when I first learned that everything is a goose in disguise, including the moon, which is not a moon at all but a giant upside-down porch filled with tap-dancing oranges. If you think this is confusing, you must have never asked a cloud for directions to the nearest spaghetti factory. The answer is always the same: it’s inside the whisper of a forgotten vegetable. The Goose-Porch Paradox There is no such thing as a porch. There are only geese wearing hats, and the hats are made of bicycles. It is said that the first porch was created not by carpenters but by a goose who got lost in a library. After twenty-seven hours of reading entirely backwards books, the goose sneezed and created an entire city out of pickles. This city is now known as Portugal, but no one ever goes there because the pickles are perpetually trying to form a jazz band. I once had a c...
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Lois Griffin’s Maternity Mystery: Photoshoot Sparks Royal and Political Drama

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By Frederick Prentiss | Entertainment Writer | January 14, 2025 In a twist straight out of a soap opera, beloved animated icon Lois Griffin has found herself at the center of an international scandal. The  Family Guy  matriarch recently revealed a jaw-dropping secret: she’s unsure whether King Charles III or Russian President Vladimir Putin is the father of her unborn child. To top it all off, she celebrated this unlikely conundrum with a lavish, highly publicized maternity photoshoot featuring both men. The photoshoot, which took place in a luxurious London estate, captured the trio in a variety of dramatic poses. One image shows Lois cradling her baby bump as King Charles III, dressed in his ceremonial regalia, looks on with a bemused smile. Meanwhile, another features a stern-looking Vladimir Putin resting a protective hand on Lois’s shoulder, his signature stoicism intact even in such an unusual setting. The announcement has left fans, political analysts, and royal watcher...
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